What The Shitting Fuck #5 - Nikol Wipes

Quick straw poll. Who uses newspapers to clean their car windscreen? None of you, right?

Yet the good folks at Gitam BBDO in Israel have seen fit to advertise Nikol window cleaning wipes with the slogan "stop using newspapers".

Who knows, maybe it's an Israeli custom, like building tall fences around things. But even allowing for that, the image of Obama pressed up against the windscreen just doesn't make you think "newspaper" anyway. It just makes you think "Obama".

I blame Art Directors for this one.

Look at that bling on that four-poster

So, The National Trust are looking for a new agency to help them reconnect with urban youth.

It's the kind of task I'd relish, I have to say. Once you set yourself the task of communicating outside a traditional audience, it demands a creative response.

What I hope is that they manage it without dumbing down, and that they recognise that they need to engage young people with what they do - not pretend to young people that they do something else. And if they do want to be known for more than "crusty old houses", then they should perhaps stop using "Protects and opens to the public many historic houses and gardens" as the first sentence of their description.

And I'm not sure lavender-infused watercolour scheme would be my first choice for connecting with urban youth.

It'll be interesting to see how things develop. And who wins.

Blog for the School of Communication Arts

I wrote an entry defending the use of earphones, which seem to have been much-maligned implements in the creative world. Read it here.

Mother Moneysupermarket

Bit of a classic Mother London advert, this one. It's all about quirkiness, backed up by the little details - the deodorant on the barbecue is a nice touch. But overall, it's so overblown that it's just good fun. Not quite on the "look for it on YouTube" level, but at least on the "might stay and watch the ad" level.

Heinz whistle

At Sir John Hegarty's talk to SCA students last night, he said "find facts and build your communication around that fact". Great advice, but sometimes you can see creatives casting around desperately for some behavioural truth to dramatise, even if it isn't the most meaningful or emotional. In this slot for AMV BBDO, they've alighted on the fact that people blow on soup before putting it in their mouths.

Can you guess the tune? It was so disjointed I couldn't pick it out, and I'd count myself as pretty musical. If you recognised it as "Love Me Tender", then I'm impressed.

But apart from that, I'm just not convinced it's the strongest product truth. And while I know plenty of people who blow on their soup, I'm not aware of anyone whistling while they do it.

It tries to be feelgood but comes out forced.

Snickers - popular with homosexuals*

*I, of course, am asexual, for the purposes of this blog.

But I thought I would continue the theme of featuring ads that had been mentioned by friends of mine, with no outside prompting. This AMV BBDO slot for Snickers, featuring Joan Collins and Stephanie Beacham, was featured on the wall of a somewhat fabulous friend, with the comment "JUST SAW THE JOAN COLLINS STEPHANIE BEECHAM SNICKERS ADVERT AND CAME ALL OVER THE LIVING ROOM!!!!"

It is quite a wonderful thing, I have to admit. So many of the ads I've featured previously have squandered promising premises on poor, thoughtless execution. But this allies a marvelously bizarre initial setup with good lines and good acting.

Just ask yourself, how would you replace Mr T with Joan Collins as the face of your ad campaign while still keeping the creative strategy exactly the same?

Taking a bag of poo for a walk

Not long ago I was out for a jog, and I passed a young chap with a dog on a lead. In his other hand he was holding a clear plastic bag with a poo in it.

Of course it wasn't a significant moment; I have no recollection of what he looked like, or what breed of dog it was. I jogged past and my mind automatically said "boy taking dog for a walk and to do toilet".

But something about the bag of poo got my mind working (takes all sorts, I know), and thinking about the presumptions I was making.

What if the poo wasn't from the dog but from the boy?

What if the dog was taking the boy outside to use the toilet?

What if the boy was actually taking his pet bag of poo for a walk, and on his way had found a dog?

Of course they're all highly improbable, and as a mental exercise it might seem pointless. But it's always worth looking for those assumptions, because when you break them, that's when you get people's attention.

Another example. A man I follow on Twitter was having bad day, then tweeted "Came home from work to this. Not pissed off anymore" with the following picture:

We assume that he's married, and come home to find his wife had baked these, and that therefore he was no longer pissed off because of the love and the rather tasty looking biscuits.

But what if he was unmarried and in fact lived alone, and he was no longer pissed off because he was terrified?

Keep tabs on this one; I want to make sure I get something like this into an ad someday.

"Third World Debt" project

Here's a little project I produced as one half of Molly to promote taking action over debt in poor countries.

Lurrrrghpak Lightest Butter

The new season of Masterchef starts tonight, so what better time to look at this naked bit of positioning for the foodie market. Incidentally, it's another ad mentioned on social media by a non-adworld friend - though this time in a negative light.

Let's take a look...

It's from Wieden & Kennedy London, and it has all the quality and production values you'd expect (the shot of the woman realising her food is burning is neat, and the chopped cabbage stop-motion effect is absolutely inspired), plus a frankly strange musical voiceover from Rutger Hauer. And the first sentence "whoever said green thing were boring...?" makes you think it's all about vegetables before putting you straight (ish). It's different, certainly.

But - and here is the crucial test - is it enjoyable? Is it a fun minute of your time? My twitter friend's reaction suggests "no", and I don't disagree. I don't wish to be too harsh, because clearly a lot of skill, effort, and imagination has gone into it. But is it really something your average person, seeing it on TV, would seek out on youtube? Or would it just annoy them?

DDB and sympathy

I feel a little sorry for DDB losing the Virgin Media account. According to those in the know, their adverts with Marc Warren - basically product demos with a little flair and quality - had TiVo boxes flying off the shelves. But new Marketing Managers mean new agencies, and so the work went over sharpish to BBH. I'm sure they'll produce more imaginative work. But will it sell more boxes?

In the meantime, here is the last ad out of DDB.

I feel less sympathy for them now.

A Rough Guide To SCA Mentoring

For those of you unfamiliar with it, the School of Communication Arts has a teaching model that relies on professionals in the creative and communications industries to visit the school (some regularly, others just once a year) and go round the students, offering feedback and advice on ongoing projects. It goes something like this:

Mentor 1
He's won 2 golden pencils, a Cannes Lion, and he's a published novelist and successful poker player.

"Hmm, ok, ok, advert A is ok, not so keen on B C and D. I'm not sure what your strategy is, it looks like you've rushed into execution too soon. Right, so you're positioning your product as an exciting new way to remove body hair. I'm going to need to see evidence for that, this could be an advert for any body waxing brand. Good luck guys."

Mentor 2
She's won 3 Cannes Lions, uses golden pencils as actual stationery, and beat every single male Creative Director in a charity boxing match.

"Right, A, B, C, and D, well, it's a start. Maybe B would do, I can't imagine a client would ever accept A. Where's the rest? No, you need to be sketching more, get more ideas on paper. Don't worry too much about the strategy, coming up with creative executions is a good way to test whether it's right or not. Ideas ideas ideas. You're doing well. Right, I'm off for a fag."

Mentor 3
He's wrestled lions for a living, he invented the word "advertising" and once on a safari to Prague told David Ogilvy to stick a Hathaway shirt up his arse.

"OK, never mind A B C or D, where's the engagement? If your idea has legs it will run into all media like piss in an alley. Fine, but why would anyone want to do that? Why should I send photos of my newly-waxed anus for anyone to look at on Facebook? Oh, there's a prize? How original. How about digital? How about DM? More more more. If you get stuck, just get on a plane, see a new city, get inspired, maybe live somewhere different for a week, like a church or an aircraft carrier. Become more rounded and so will your work."

Mentor 4
He designed the Nike swoosh, made a series of classic public information films during the Black Death, and wrote the Sermon on the Mount.

"Ooh I like A, and B. C could work, I suppose. Oh I really like D. And this is for Special K, is it? Oh, body wax. Right. Yes, you'd better start again."

And 2 aspiring creatives gather their pads and pens and head to the pub to rebuild their fragile egos.

Hard and Fast - British Heart Foundation

This was the probably the most discussed ad over the Christmas break, and rightly so. Produced by Grey London, it aims to publicise the British Heart Foundation's new policy on resuscitating the unconscious - no more kiss of life, more heart massage.

Full of good humour, nudges, and mnemonics, I don't think anyone who watches the ad will forget the salient points in a hurry, even after just one viewing. Call 999 - no kissing - press on chest to "Staying Alive" - that's it. Job done.

Time to Change - Mental Health

This ad was actually linked to by a friend on Facebook. This happens so rarely that I thought I'd better take a look and write about it. It's created by Dare for 2 of Britain's major mental health charities, Mind and Rethink.

The main problem of the ad is that the part where they display misconceptions about mental illness is more deftly executed than the message. The exposition with the unrealistic inner monologue and clunky exposition ("oh it's Dave who was off on work with mental illness") and the still somewhat rather stilted conversation at the end are the weakest parts. It felt like people saying what they're supposed to say, rather than what they would actually say (something I was told off for by my Head of Copywriting when writing radio ads raising awareness of STIs).

The middle section is much stronger - I thought the acoustic gig was a great touch. And I should mention, to be fair, that my Facebook friend praised the ads. However, as someone already fairly enlightened about mental health already, he wasn't exactly the target.

Good Bread, Bad Bread

Just had a brief from school for a bread brand, so we've been looking at how they've been sold. It's been responsible for some great advertising. Hovis obviously springs to mind, but I also like this recent Warburtons ad, from RKCR/Y&R. It's funny, but there's a strong brand message behind it.

This travesty of a commercial, on the other hand - for Kingsmill from M&C Saatchi - is just a mess.

It's hard to know where to start. First of all, there's nothing that tells me what's so great about the bread itself. She might namecheck the brand, but basically, it's a cheese sandwich confession. And if I made a sandwich in the morning, went away, came back, and it was gone, I'd just ask my boyfriend "what did you do with my sandwich?" If they're trying to recreate the real people's lives and kitchens, there has to be an element of reality.

And the engagement is just so weak - I checked the Kingsmill Confessions YouTube channel, and found that all videos had been disliked more than liked in all cases. To finish, here are a sample of the comments...


This advertising campaign is lame. So... this girl made her mum a sandwich then ate it herself? This is barely a story... and definitely not one worth telling. What sort of bread related confessions did Kingsmill expect?


Why would you even run a campaign like this?


Britain should weep for the travesty of its people now


These kingsmill adverts are pathetic and i prefer good old fashioned warburtons actually


You're worse than Hitler.


I have a confession to make, I was in a rush to catch a flight this morning so I asked my wife to make me a sandwich, she used shitty kingsmill instead of braces so I knifed her in the neck, stupid bitch.


I wipe the under side of my balls with kingsmill gold........it's very refreshing

A New Term at SCA

"Where have I been?" you may be wondering. It's unlikely, but I'll tell you anyway.

I haven't updated this blog since December 15. I thought I would allow myself time off, as over the course of my first term at the School of Communication Arts, I produced over 60 blog posts. I think that's a pretty good standard. If I can keep to the same standard this term, I'll have a similar break over Easter.

OK so - what's been happening? The main news is that I've teamed up with an Art Director called Olly Wood to form Molly (Martin + Olly, geddit). We're going to work together this term, and hopefully beyond, in order to get placements and a job somewhere exciting. His twitter is @olllywood and together we've set up @wearemolly where we'll be posting all our work as it comes in.

Together we worked on a couple of assignments over the Christmas break - one on Third World Debt, the other on renaming a new charity. Neither ready to show yet, but we've had good feedback on the Debt project, and with a couple of tweaks it should be in shape. We've just been given two new portfolio briefs, one selling bread and the other promoting London tap water, with a live brief or two tomorrow. So there'll be plenty to keep me and you occupied.

See you tomorrow. If I behave.